Lovesick
I was sitting on my rumbling motorbike, waiting for the light to turn green, like I do every morning on my way to language school. Everything was routine, but in a moment, my heart felt the slightest prick. I began to feel lovesick. “What is this feeling?” I thought to myself. “I have no lover, yet my heart is pining for the return of... someone.” I didn’t have time to deal with it, so I made a mental note to explore at my earliest convenience.
Needless to say, life went on and I forgot about the “red light revelation”. A few days later, at my favorite tea place, I was practicing the Thai alphabet, doing homework, and reviewing new vocab. I decided to take a little break, and listen to a podcast, where 2 guys talk about intimacy with God. “There it is again,” I noticed. As I listened to their testimonies from the secret place, the lovesickness began to be palpable, like a lump in my throat, tears began to form and fall down my cheeks. “I have to get out of here, to be with my Beloved.” In a rush, I packed up and drove as quickly as I could back to my house, ran up the stairs, threw off my backpack and collapsed on the bed, in desperate desire to be in the presence of the Lord.
I wept as the realization hit me, that I had fallen into the trap so many missionaries and ministers fall into! I had focused so much on my goals, (good, Godly goals!!), that I had forsaken the mission for which I was created: communion with Him, ministry to His heart, delighting in the Lord! It wasn’t like I planned for this! Though I had still been faithful to say a quick prayer, to read my daily psalm, and even to share the Gospel with a friend, I was missing intimacy with Jesus. It had been weeks since I had a true un-rushed quiet time of prayer, worship and waiting on Him. My soul was thirsty, but I was too busy with good things to notice.
In that place, with a sorrowful heart, God met me. He led me to Luke 11, where He reminded me that those who seek will find, that it is His desire to give us the Holy Spirit, Himself.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” - Luke 11:9-13
He is so faithful, even when we are not! Even in my imperfect pursuit of Christ, He still takes great pleasure in simply being with me. In fact, it was He that was pursuing me. His gentle invitation to come away, was not a demand, not a nag, but the voice of the lover of my soul, seeking to spend time together! He is what He offers!
Though my heart breaks at the thought of my humanity, my proneness to distraction, I rejoice that God is the one that keeps me both hungry, and fed, that He never forsakes me and continues to draw me in with His lovingkindness.
A PRAYER FOR US ALL:
Dear God, keep us close. As life demands our attention, let us never neglect to prioritize our time together with You. Thank you for calling us into mission with You, for inviting us to serve and love people and giving us a role to play in the expansion of Your Kingdom. While it is a great privilege to “do”, let us remember to “be”. Jesus, be the delight of our lives. Where our fire has turned into burning embers, come, author of wind, and blow. We need your help to stay aflame. Give us your desire. Give us greater revelation of your love, for that will always bring us to our knees, in pursuit of intimacy with You. We love you and thank you for your faithfulness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Hunter Smith
JULY 21, 2021
Needless to say, life went on and I forgot about the “red light revelation”. A few days later, at my favorite tea place, I was practicing the Thai alphabet, doing homework, and reviewing new vocab. I decided to take a little break, and listen to a podcast, where 2 guys talk about intimacy with God. “There it is again,” I noticed. As I listened to their testimonies from the secret place, the lovesickness began to be palpable, like a lump in my throat, tears began to form and fall down my cheeks. “I have to get out of here, to be with my Beloved.” In a rush, I packed up and drove as quickly as I could back to my house, ran up the stairs, threw off my backpack and collapsed on the bed, in desperate desire to be in the presence of the Lord.
I wept as the realization hit me, that I had fallen into the trap so many missionaries and ministers fall into! I had focused so much on my goals, (good, Godly goals!!), that I had forsaken the mission for which I was created: communion with Him, ministry to His heart, delighting in the Lord! It wasn’t like I planned for this! Though I had still been faithful to say a quick prayer, to read my daily psalm, and even to share the Gospel with a friend, I was missing intimacy with Jesus. It had been weeks since I had a true un-rushed quiet time of prayer, worship and waiting on Him. My soul was thirsty, but I was too busy with good things to notice.
In that place, with a sorrowful heart, God met me. He led me to Luke 11, where He reminded me that those who seek will find, that it is His desire to give us the Holy Spirit, Himself.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” - Luke 11:9-13
He is so faithful, even when we are not! Even in my imperfect pursuit of Christ, He still takes great pleasure in simply being with me. In fact, it was He that was pursuing me. His gentle invitation to come away, was not a demand, not a nag, but the voice of the lover of my soul, seeking to spend time together! He is what He offers!
Though my heart breaks at the thought of my humanity, my proneness to distraction, I rejoice that God is the one that keeps me both hungry, and fed, that He never forsakes me and continues to draw me in with His lovingkindness.
A PRAYER FOR US ALL:
Dear God, keep us close. As life demands our attention, let us never neglect to prioritize our time together with You. Thank you for calling us into mission with You, for inviting us to serve and love people and giving us a role to play in the expansion of Your Kingdom. While it is a great privilege to “do”, let us remember to “be”. Jesus, be the delight of our lives. Where our fire has turned into burning embers, come, author of wind, and blow. We need your help to stay aflame. Give us your desire. Give us greater revelation of your love, for that will always bring us to our knees, in pursuit of intimacy with You. We love you and thank you for your faithfulness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Hunter Smith
JULY 21, 2021
Recent
Archive
2022
March
But Do You Know His Heart?When God Gets in the WayMended with GoldYoung WarriorsRepentance and BaptismThe Trap of ComparisonCleanses from Dead WorksHeavenManna No MoreDon't Miss What God is DoingI Stand at the Door and KnockLovesickSeek WisdomPrescription for a Forgetful HeartImagine This Story...Give Him EverythingHopeRahab and IttaiObedienceHis Love Makes All the Difference: A TestimonyPromisesTruth and FeelingsCount the CostKeep WatchNew Year, New YouNot Me, But HimReflectionA Good BossTo Know the Love of ChristDon't Be Stuck, Be Trained Up
July
August
September
Categories
no categories
No Comments